Longtime Alabama football dictator enjoys middle school jokes

Update September 15 11:00 a.m. New reporting says Marlon Humphrey is the reason behind this humor. We’ll aggregate all the the latest regarding the sense of humor of the most successful college football coach of all time.

First of all, we’d like to offer our thoughts and prayers to Alabama Crimson Tide defensive back Jordan Battle. We wish him nothing but the best at this time.

Battle made the adorable but fatal error of revealing to the media during Bama’s Tuesday press event that head coach/feudal overlord of Alabama Nick Saban is big on “deez nutz” jokes. Very big on them.

“He’s always talking about “touch deez” or “suck on deez,” said Battle. And before he could finish his thought, the death stare from the Crimson Tide sports information staff ended him, as did the guffawing from the peanut gallery in the Mal Moore Athletic Facility.

What Battle said is just confirmation of what we already knew, as Josh Jacobs was once on the Dan Patrick Show saying the same thing.

But Jacobs was out of Tuscaloosa at that point, had been drafted by the Raiders, and was and making real money. These are luxuries Battle does not enjoy.

And while it’s not surprising that a man famously obsessed with Little Debbie’s Oatmeal Cream Pies also enjoys a taunt most people stop using on the playground, maybe it’s part of his ability to relate to young people that allows him to recruit better than any coach that’s ever lived.

So the next time you see The Nicktator running around Boca Grande, make sure you ask him “how are deez?” and see what kind of response you get. I’m sure it’ll be just as funny as Battle suggests. For sure.